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Epilogue: An apology to the French

    Strange, it seems that two countries that were born comrades-in-arms should be long time friends. The fact that one of our country's greatest symbols, the Statue of Liberty, was a gift from the people of France is not lost on many Americans. Likewise, the French are forever grateful for the sacrifices made by our men in uniform in two wars, helping them to regain their liberty. Monuments to American soldiers' sacrifices abound in all parts of France. We found them well tended, treated with honor and constantly adorned with flowers by French citizens who remember those terrible days and the cost Americans paid for French freedom.

    And yet, it seems that our two governments cannot agree on almost anything and our opinion of each other as a people seems to be one of consternation and sometimes, contempt. Indeed, many Americans we talked to had the opinion that France would be a really great place to visit if only the French didn't live there. They are so rude! The French opinion of Americans has been portrayed as one of distain for a people too shallow, too crude and too loud.

    Our trip to France was not our first exposure to the French. We had lived in the South Pacific in the country of Vanuatu, formerly the New Hebrides, once a colony that was governed by both the French and British as a condominium government. The French ex-patriots were difficult. They would laugh at my wife's attempts to speak French. They would not stand in line like the British when serving themselves at large dinners, instead all crowding in together.  They would quit work early and not return calls promptly. They were just a pain!

   We were concerned that the French would make our visit to France miserable. We decided to read a few books on how to get along with them. We learned some French terms and learned how to greet people and accept a greeting. How to enter someone's house. We learned that they are not as mobile as Americans and many people in the small villages in France have lived there for generations. Unlike Americans, the French take a little more time to judge someone before offering a life long friendship at the first meeting. Even other Frenchmen are strangers to these people and must be given time before they are accepted.

   We also learned not to break into a great big smile for almost no reason as many Americans do. To the French we look like grinning idiots, especially when we speaking English at them, very slowly and very loud, thinking that if we speak slow enough and loud enough, they will HAVE to understand. Most of all, we learned some French manners.

   The books had advised that a store owner would usually greet a customer when he entered the store. The customer was expected to reply. I was hesitant when I walked into the first small French store. Sure enough, I heard a, ":Bonjour monsieur" from behind the counter. I returned the greeting. I wondered then and there. Had the same thing happened when we lived in Vanuatu? Did we just, "not hear" the greeting because we weren't expecting one? Maybe? I couldn't remember.

   I do know that when I walked to the counter to pay for my goods and after I had said, "Merci," thanking him for his help, the shopkeeper broke out in a smile and wished me a, "Bon journee" This happened over and over again. Sometimes, they would even try to wish me a safe trip in English, going out of their way to speak my language. And when I say that they would smile, I'm not talking little smiles. I'm talking great big "American" grins.

   We learned early to pay attention to and acknowledge people, shopkeepers, waiters, anyone who's shop we might be in or whom we might make contact with. Make sure we said thank you. We made sure we acknowledged their efforts to serve us. Wow, the walls fell down and the smiles broke out.

   Once we learned some simple courtesies, we found the French people in the country to be as friendly as any we'd ever met anywhere. All our previous opinions flew out the window! But what about those Parisians? Were they a harder nut to crack?

   When we were in Paris at the end of our trip, we decided to ride one of the double decker tourist buses around the town. About 12 people were in front of us, waiting to board. The female driver greeted each passenger with a loud, "Bonjour." She was totally ignored. She would shake her head in disgust as each passenger walked by. The man in front of me however did reply but instead of returning her greeting, said, "Merci". She glared at him and said, "No, NOT MERCI, Bojour!" He replied, "I don't speak French." and walked on to the rear of the bus.

    She was red faced and about to explode. As I stepped up I smiled and said, in my best French, "Bonjour Madame," and gave her a nod of my head as a small courtesy. Her face went from beet red to stark white in an instant and then back to flesh tones. She broke out in a huge smile. She gave me a deep bow as she replied, "Bonjour Monsieur." At that moment, that bus was mine! I think I could have asked her to drive me to Brussels and she would have started the engine and we would have been on our way!

   I'm certainly no expert on French/American relations. The fact that my wife made every attempt to speak French using her 30 year old high school skills and didn't mind being corrected, that fact that we're not fussy and don't expect to be pampered and the fact that we were on bicycles is, I'm sure, part of why we were treated so well. There's still lots about France and the French that I don't know.

I DO know that we now are advocates for people to travel to France because of the French, not in spite of them, only cautioning these travelers to do a little homework. We suggest that they spend some time learning some French language, manners and customs before they go. The rewards they'll reap are immense.

P.S.

   Just for fun, now that I'm back in the good old U.S.A., I've tried greeting the $5.25 an hour clerks that work at most of our fast food and quick stop markets in the same way that I was greeted and greeted shopkeepers in France. In some cases I'm stared at, some cases not acknowledged at all and in some rare instances, am greeted warmly. It's a pretty nice custom once you try it!